Sick and tired of this little thing called love!

Argh ... cant stand it, cant take it no more....

Its always makin things so hard for me, although they could be oh so easy. I hate love, even not knowing if I even know what love is. There are so many descriptions for the word. The easiest one being : You ll know it, when its there"
Have I never felt it then, because I ve never been sure. I mean, of course I think I ve felt it. And I think love is what it was, but sure, how can you be sure?

And then what is love givin you. Its somethin that ends. Or sometimes, something that unfortunately has to end.

and then the good part only lasts so long. Is it even worth the trouble, worth the pain, the tears, the uncertaintys, the suffering, the loss?
I m not so sure anymore.

Yesterday I felt good, I was happy, everything was fine. And today...girls are killin my heart once again. I feel sad, tired, left outside alone and I dont even know why. I hate this. I m good you know, but then I m not....

anyways... I should stop whining and complaining. Life is good, life is great, life is unbelievable...

So whats new in good ol germany?

Actually nothing new. My new job is going alright.

Still on semester break...

talked to my ex gf on the phone today. Still missing her.

what can I do? 6000 miles are too far. Maybe one day, down the road we gonna meet again..!? I hope so.

Dont get me wrong. I really like my new gf and we havin a fun time. Still I feel like I m just not ready to let go. And I feel like somethin is missin. I wish I knew what it is.

Baseball... Damn...lost a really important game. And I screwed up, but we would still have won. Just one out away and 2 runs up. And then pop up... it was game over...our win and then... kai dropped that freakin ball...argh... has taken us to a ...we have to win 2 out of 2 situation next saturday... It all comes down to this.

Sis... yes sis you.. where are you.. what are you doin... havent talked to you in ages. it seems like you re out of my world...it really seems like you are. hope we ll be able to talk some soon.

travel plans... I wanna go to korea , ibiza( no not partying...visiting a close friend), washington and boston (actually williams) I wanna meet all of my friends...hopefully I ll be able to soon.

Semester break.. should set up my schedulde... its about time. Soon it will all be too stressful.. and I have to start studying for my tests. I should really get that going...

friends.. losin touch to a lot of them. maybe i should blame it on my new job. I dunno. Never seem to see them anymore... =( Kind of sad, but I guess there will be better times again...

Sleep.. I m sleepin so much lately.. whats wrong with me.. i dont get it...grrr..

well now you should all be up to date... g2g...

What am I gonna do.. what am I gonna do...

Time will tell..

Today a friend wrote me a quote from the movie " sin city"....


"Hell is, wakin up in the morning and not knowing what life is good for"

Anyways.. why am I up that late at night.. hm personal buisness ;-P
Too much thinkin...

can i ever stop... Life could be just so darn good...

"life is good, life is great life is unbelievable" ;-)

Have a good night, morning, day.... i know the world is crazy...and so am I ;-P

Work...

Hard job... 12 hour shifts with short breaks in between..... fun anyways... thought it was hard in the beginnning, but seems like its not that hard...

ballgames.. we keep getting our a** kicked...
but hey its still fun.. but maybe i ll finally call it a day after this year, who knows...

studies.. still on break for another 7 weeks
finally have to get back to studying for my tests.... its comin fast

new gf... confusing..
sometimes happy, sometimes not...i might not be ready yet!?

family affairs
same old, same old
fighting... hidden emails with scary messages...

friends
out there... out there... losing them...as ive always been...sometimes i feel like if i was gone noone would notice except for maybe kai

ok thats it for now.... i guess i m not writing that much anymore... i dont know why... i think i ve been trying to block my feelings


ok g2g...

All the hard stuff and then the weak stuff mixed together.. Then also the drink I made on new years....so many memories, so many emotions.
Talking to my ex gf right now. Sounds and feels so weird. She doesnt really feel like my ex, more like its a break on time... I dont know how to explain.. Really strange...
We talked about my new gf today. Yes I was gonna tell her, but somehow I knew she was gonna read my blog and find out. And I kind of wanted to tell her first, but never knew how to do it.

I know you will read this So this here is for you Michelle!

Parts of me will always love you. And I will never ever forget you and I hope we will stay in contact throughout our lives and see each other once in a while and then will be able to think about our beautiful memories. Who knows whats happenin in the future. Maybe one day we ll end up on the same continent!!!