The last 3 weeks have been a pain in the a**.
Everything just doesnt work out. Until today it didnt bother me at all.
I was happy all the time. I was makin the best out of it and probably was still the happiest I ve been in a long long time and then today all of a sudden everything just crashes down on me, because I screwed up once again.

I had an appointment with a girl and I slept in. I used to be so responsible and then this is the 2nd time in like 2 months I ve slept in. Cant let that happen. People relying on me and then I m disappointing them. The bad part is probably not her being mad at me. Although I feel so sorry. So freakin sorry, I couldnt even think straight for like 2 hours. But the worse part is that I m soooo mad at myself and so dissapointed in myself.
And then last night I had a fight with my ex gf. I got soo mad and so dissapointed, becaue I thouhgt I knew her, but I guess I didnt. She was so naiv. To make sure, it was not just me. I told 2 of my friends about the whole thing, what we said and stuff and they got mad because she was being so naiv.
So I think it was really not my fault. And the thing is. You could not even talk to her, because she wouldnt listen and when I was willing to stop the whole discussion because it was not going anywhere she insisted on continuiing it. I dont know... just pissed me off..
I was gonna go visit her. Right now, I just dont know if I can anymore. Not just because of this one discussion. But she doesnt give me the feeling she really wants me there. Hard to explain, but we ve gone apart so fast, although the way we broke up, it was not bad at all. It was rather a break on time, not forever, but I guess it is forever after all

and then I failed both my tests. Will have to do them again in the end of october.

I injured myself at baseball a couple of times, nothing new, but this time its kind of serious and I should really see a doctor, but I just dont want to, because I m kind of afraid to have surgery or something, so I m just gonna play through the pain and hope its nothing bad, and then we have 10 really important games coming up and we need to win them and as a team captain and leader I have to freakin be there. And If I cant walk in 10 years, who cares, I need to live my life know. I dont even know if I will be alive in 10 years.
And then I screwed up one game on saturday already

what else happened?
oh yeah I got caught on the radar by the police twice. Had been caught once in like 6 years before then.

Why is just everything going wrong at once...

I think I m already annoying my friends with whinning. I need to stop.. I really need to, I just dont know who to turn to then to not go insane....

F**** .. I had life right now! I seriously do!
I ll be alright though! I ll be alright... I ll make up for all of it.. I ll win a couple of baseball games. Will pass my tests. Will make up to that girl and maybe find a new girlfriend to help me get over all this and to enjoy life again. Will drive more slowly to not be caught again, will set more alarms, like 5 or 6 ;-)
Will get a job today, hopefully..have an interview in like an hour
Maybe visit my sister in korea in sept
maybe get things settled with my ex gf.
Actually 2 of them....no i m not a player...I just feel like we never really said goodbye, it was more like a see you soon and I think now it would maybe better if it was a goodbye!

ok g2g and get ready for my interview.wish me luck