So I just started to work on my termpaper like 80 minutes ago.
And I already feel like a bad person! I saw pictures of a phillipine ghetto and although I know that it is like that in some parts of the world I always try to not think about it. I just try to hide it from my view and then once in a while it comes back to me and I feel like I should do somethin about it. Thats why I might move to a developing country to work there after I m done with university. The people dont have anything there.

Still, I think they have so much more than we do in a modern country. Not everyone of them, but some. They have the thing a lot of us luck. They have the eternal love. They care for each other as a family, they are close together. A lot of them probably still enjoy their life more than some of us do!

This is one of the reasons why I would have wanted to live like 400 years ago, where everything was still developing, no technology. It was the essentials of life that counted! You had to work to live and not study, to achieve good grades for a job with which you will earn money to buy yourself stuff to survive. There was no chain. You got what you worked for. I really wish I could live in a world like that, where I have a goal, which I can work on!

And what makes me mad nowadays is the terrorism and its consequences. The political leaders say they care for the poor, damn they dont give a s*** , they use the poverty as a instrument to support their military actions and to strengthen their political power.

There is another thing that makes me really sad! None of my friends seems to be talking to me about stuff like that although I really would want to. My life is such a waste of energy. Instead of changing something. I go clubbing and spent the day with small talk. I waste money on stuff like cruising around in my car, where I could make a difference for people with the money i spent for my gas or for the entrance fee in a club. My friends just dont seem so interested in topics like that. Sometimes I really wonder if one day I will be able to and my friends will be like me and I ll find someone to talk about things like that. My worries, my fears, my ambitions, my dreams.
I wish people would talk to me about things like politics and then again I feel like I dont know anything about politics. Sometimes I do and sometimes I dont. I think I ve given up in politics to a certain level.
Do my friends not care. Am I more mature than them or does it just not come up!?



I know I should stop whinning and complaining and do something about it. I m just afraid I m not strong enough! Maybe I should join an organization just like my sister did and do something about it.
Probably she doesnt even know, but I really admire her for the work she puts in and all the effort she makes and she makes changes. She has changed so many lives. I really admire her for that and I hope she knows!

I hope one day, I will be able to look back at my life and be able to say. This was worth it. I made a difference in this world! I improved it and even if its for a small group only, maybe just one person! I want to be able to say, my life has not been a waste. I did something and was not selfish!


Maybe for me this is true :

"You cant help someone if you are not content with yourself"

ok, this was the most confusing blog ever, sorry about that.. just had to write down my brainstorming after reading all those articles about misery and poverty and the evil in this world!

Why is anyone ever evil including myself. Why?!