I m at this point in my life, where everything is changing, I thought it would take a little longer, but it all came to fast!

I quit my job today, after 5 years, because I dont have the time to work during the day anymore, so I ll have to find a night time job!

Then I might have to retire from active baseball, because my body wont let me go and play hard day in, day out anymore. Gosh I m not even 24 yet and I have so much pain... totally have to see the doctor soon. Its really hard for me to stop playin, because baseball was the one thing I was kind of good at and It was #1 on my priority list all the time. Probably more than 50% of my life too, so its hard letting go....

I ll have to let go of a couple of friends, because they have been lying to me and I dont trust them anymore. Hard to do that too, because they ve been picking me up, when I was down, but thats life.

So much change goin on, its hard to handle. Everyday life is just not the same anymore.
The last couple of days I ve been confronted with my past a lot as well. Met up with my exgf. Talked to a girl I used to love and she loved me too, strange because we never hooked up. I watched a movie involving my other exgf. Also talked to another girl I hooked up with. One thing that I realized is that I will never be able to totally let go of them. Everysingle one of them still owns a big place in my heart. Thats kind of hard, because it hurts and I d much rather let go of all those memories, but yeah thats life ;-)

Oh and dont get me wrong, I m not a player, these are the girls (besides my current gf) that have been part of my life, not really many more than that. And I still cant let go. I m afraid once I open up my heart to a person, the person will always be there. So that makes me being afraid of opening up my heart too much and I m really scared of that right now... dont want to be in more thoughts....

ok enough insight on my mental state.

What else happened the last couple of days?! We had a basball tournament and finished 3rd out of 4, but that totally doesnt reflect the way we played, because we had a good tournament, won 2 games and lost 2, but played pretty well and we are lookin forward to the start of the season april 16th..
and next week my b-day is comin up, nothin special..but yeah, i ll be 24 then....

what else happened? nothin much I guess!
I m still on break and trying to start with my term paper, hope I ll finally be able to today or tomorrow!

"...see, you're a better person than I am and it made me a better person to be around you. I don't know, maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe I woke up one lonely night in December and imagined it all. But I swear, nothing has ever felt more real. And if you get on that plane, I'll disappear forever. And I know we could both go on with our lives and we'd be fine. But I have seen what we could be like forever, and I choose us!" - Jack (Family Man)